maria mison: integrated awakenings

Hi. I’m Maria I’ve been gameless for a while now.

I had important dreams that felt like hit home the process I was feeling into.

One. I was a coach on the sidelines running with the players, but I’m not a player anymore. I have no scoreboard.

Two. I tried to ask the choreographer what my blocking was and they said i was no longer on the list. I can hang around on the back. But I don’t really have a “role” to hit. I’m done.

In all screaming technicalities, I can leave now. A mortal device/body and just be energy. If anything it’s quite an achievement/labor to convince pure energy to root to a limited manifestation. I wrote a bunch of intentions, world karma I wanted to participate in burning, to make sure I can stay here longer.

It made me wonder if i was a “bodichitta” now that I transmuted world suffering. I had an internal realization that you kinda have to take that on if you wanted to stay, and that it was a completely rational conclusion to do, to be “with” the world but not in it. 

I feel like a joker card in a deck, or a clown in the greek play. I mess up the usual rules of a human game, i narrate and break the 4th wall for character-actors still involved in their game. If anything, I really do my best to cloak my energy as to not spontaneously combust/trigger/rattle the personas around me. Some folks have called me as “someone who sees too much of me” or i “surgically naked/stripped” folks around me. For people into astrology, my first house is scorpio with pluto in it. So my natural energy, can be quite “too much” for the regular persona-device. So I cloak my pure energy.

I reveal it fully in dreams, or when I’m alone watching K-drama.

I find myself feeling incredibly grateful to Amara Strand. She’s one of the still-alive enlightened folks around here who really said you don’t have to be a guru/saint/healer whatever if you wake up. You can wake up and be a janitor, do taxes, figure out how to pass off a normal conversation in a party with your children. That statement has been a guiding light for me, because as much as I can feel all the grief, constriction, joy, union, truth of the world pulsating constantly, it would be very annoying to my family if the only thing i can talk about was existential philosophy. 

I’m actually really proud that I can joke and use k-pop reaction pics while talking about the underlying nature of reality. I am Source! SURE! But my vehicle, maria, is a 28 year old woman from the philippines, with interests like dance, art, music, table top roleplaying. I can handle someone with “low vibration” assisting/holding me while at the gym. Yes my energy form cramps up a lot because I feel my coach’s karma and their imposing perception of me. 

But I am Whole. There is no taking that away from me. I spontaneously burn up any projections people try to install in me.  I can live with people who don’t acknowledge the “full breadth” of my spiritual life. To some degree I can relate to the yogis who keep their pissy wife as their “practice”, a slice of useful karma to hold you down. I’m like huh, yeah being able to totally accept the personas around me that have zero interest in waking up is not only a great cloaking strategy for me, but also a deep practice of unconditional acceptance.

Don’t worry. In the dream world I purge temples. Do marriages for hordes of people. Surgeries for energy-forms without holding myself back. If anything when they come to me that’s already the express permission for me to go all the way. I have many physical clients who say, they first saw me in their dreams. 

The other day I felt my dream body be so physical, words there felt louder than manifest reality. I was having a phone call to where god received all prayers. I was talking to the line operator. I can actually revisit and access that place as long as I’ve accessed it via dream walking. I understand why angels cry, I can feel the energetic bodies of those that are incarnate. There is so so so much things to let go of. 

I wake up in linear reality and try to make a posting schedule for myself. (IG: @mariamison__ ) My energy has a hard time fully latching on the idea of not simply responding fully to the moment constantly. I sigh. 

I make coffee. It deeply doesn’t matter anyway.

I am full and emptied. 

I post a blogpost.